An Accidental Love Story: Part 1

the Good, the Bad, & the Bloody

Now I have plenty of fun one-off date stories to tell you about, but this 11 month, drama-filled saga just ended and I wanna get this out while it's fresh.

Dakota matched with a woman, Sara, on a dating app marketed for the kinky/ENM community. So they matched both knowing the other is married. They chat a bit and since this didn't involve me I don't remember the exact details. They may have gone on a date before our double date, but I think our double date was the first time anyone met in person. I don't believe I had contact with anyone at all prior to this date, which is unusual. Normally I'm the one scheduling.

Now I'd made it clear to Dakota I wasn't looking for any sexual partners at this time. Due to fertility treatments I had to take a hiatus from sex (you'd be shocked how much of the time spent "making a baby" they bar you from sex). This happened to coincide with me getting the ick from my last partner. Between the hormones of the treatments, being pregnant (it had worked! yay!), emotional confusion of suddenly losing interest in my last partner, and the fact my medical restrictions weren't up quite yet, I just wanted to set expectations. I was there to make friends. I'm always happy to make more friends in general but especially in the ENM lifestyle.

Dakota had all of the context behind everything, but obviously Sara and her husband Ryan did not. I know that he told them I wasn't looking for a sexual partner at the time but it does not seem like they took that seriously. To be fair, I feel like there's often a lot of tempering of expectations going into these things. They could have understood it to mean, "to put this nicely, she's not into your husband but doesn't want to say that." And once it was obvious I was into him thought there was a greenlight. Idk. Admittedly I found Ryan more attractive in person than his pictures so that did help! But anyway we'll get into me feeling pressured about things later, let's focus on the date.

We went bowling, which I'm terrible at. I think everyone was pretty bad except Dakota. Not necessarily the best first date idea since one of us was always up from the table so trying to keep track of the convo was a bit difficult. They both seemed fine, I was trying not to be awkward like I often am, and trying not to bring down the vibe since I couldn't drink and at the time was still very conscious of what I was eating due to an underlying health concern I didn't want affecting the pregnancy. Honestly at first I was just trying to get through the night.

Then we moved to a second location. A bar right down the street. I had an NA beer and hoped no one felt awkward. Ryan got one as well in an attempt to make me feel less awkward which was sweet but unsuccessful. The good news is this is where in the night the conversation picked up. Ryan and I started dominating the table. We shared a lot of the same opinions and humor. He played along with my Chex Mix conspiracy theory and agreed with my inordinate disdain for pickles. Dakota would chime in from time to time but Sara was pretty quiet. I started to worry she was jealous so I tried to include her more in the conversation and talk to Ryan less. I didn't want drama. I was just there for friends.

Then I started bleeding. A lot. I tried to not sour the mood but when whispered to Dakota his face pretty obviously showed something was wrong. We excused ourselves and called our fertility doctor who was kind enough to answer us at 10pm on a Friday. There was nothing to be done. We moved up my first ultrasound a couple days but until then I just had to wait. Dakota offered to let me wait in the car while he went back and got the check and said goodbyes. Surprisingly, I didn't want to leave. I was enjoying the evening and I felt like the car ride home would break me.

So we went back and after a few minutes of awkwardness, them knowing I might be losing my baby at that very moment, we continued our conversation. And while it flowed effortlessly with Ryan, I was struggling with Sara. I was assured she was just tired, so after not much longer we parted ways.

I won't leave you on a cliffhanger, my baby was perfectly fine at my ultrasound.