Antiversary

Last night I asked Ryan, “when was your wedding anniversary?” I knew it was this month but we’d never discussed the date. I tried to know as little about his ex-wife as possible. But, only one week divorced, I thought maybe we should celebrate it in our own way.

“Huh. Tomorrow lol”

He had forgotten it already.

And that’s when I realized I should let him forget. I’d spent so much time over the past two years making him feel loved and wanted and celebrated. I was desperately trying to fill the hole left by a nearly ten year marriage, hoping he wouldn’t notice it.

But he didn’t need that. He needed me to be authentically me, not a replacement for somebody else. And he needed to be able to forget.

So today he spent nearly his entire day alone, doing exactly what he wanted to do. And after he was done we had sex. And then we ate Taco Bell.

No elaborate party (although we’re still eventually going to do the divorce party we had planned months ago). No fancy date. No wild agenda to make his first Antiversary amazing. What he needs is for it to just be another day. Because that’s what it is now.

His anniversary, our anniversary, isn’t for two more weeks. And I can’t wait to celebrate it with him then. But as for today? Just another day.