Meet the Parents (for real)

My boyfriend/bull is finally divorced! And I’m sure I’ll have much more to say about that later, but I’ll need time to articulate my thoughts. For now, in celebration, I am posting this blog that has been in my drafts for over 15 months, per Ryan’s mom’s request.

If you remember, I made up a post about meeting his parents a while ago, just to piss his EX-wife (man, that feels good to say) off because she wouldn’t leave me alone and mind her own business. That never happened. It’s so funny how much better the real meeting went than my imaginary one.

Okay okay, enough intro. Here it is, after patiently waiting over a year:

Oh my God. Meeting his parents went wildly better than I ever could’ve expected. I arrived at the restaurant and Ryan came to the door to lead me. I scan the patio as we wade through the people and I recognize his father from pictures. Obviously I figured the woman next to him was Ryan’s mother. We shake hands with forced, awkward smiles. I think we’re all just trying to get through the first few minutes of small talk, hoping to find something that gets the conversation flowing a little easier.

One of those things is alcohol. We immediately start with a round of drinks, which I appreciate. I absolutely would not have gotten a drink if no one else did but man would I have wanted one.

Now, keep in mind, his parents know everything. I texted them when Sarah escalated her abuse and due to the details I provided as well as the warning signs they’d already been seeing for the past decade and a half, they seemed quite receptive to the information I was providing despite me being a total stranger. So they know everything. And Ryan knows they know everything. But they don’t know Ryan knows everything. His mom is playing it cool, as if she has zero idea who I am, when or how he started seeing me, etc.

We start with politics, which is not where I would’ve started a conversation with old white people from Arkansas… but hey, we seemed to be on the same page. I mostly smile and nod at first, wanting to make sure I’m assessing the situation correctly before providing any opinions or observations of my own. But things went pretty well.

Until they asked my middle name. I don’t remember the context of that part of the conversation but it was an innocent enough question. I hesitated before I answered, giving them my previous middle name. His dad laughed and asked if I was sure. I had to make a decision in that moment, and considering I was wearing my wedding ring, it felt silly to try to dance around the fact I’m married. “My maiden name is my middle name now. I didn’t want four names so I just replaced my middle name.” I expect this to be the catalyst for the actual questions to start coming. I brace for them. But nothing happens.

We finish our first round and Ryan and I go up to the bar to bring back the second. I’m feeling it a bit already and need to kiss him. I place myself between him and the table his parents are at, his figure eclipsing me entirely, so that I could do it unseen.

He looks down at me with a half smile and an expression in his eyes equivalent to an eye roll. “I think they like you better already,” he said, almost slightly annoyed that I was so good at this.

“It’s not a high bar,” I said, pretending that didn’t inflate my ego. It’s true, I’ve genuinely never met a person that likes Sarah. I’ve only met people that tolerate her. Despite that, the compliment did make me feel warm inside, and I suppressed the smug smile as best as I could. “So we haven’t talked about this at all,” I said, motioning between us.

“Oh, it’s coming. Don’t worry.”

Except it doesn’t. The conversation never veers into the whole extramarital relations thing. Until Ryan leaves the table. Immediately his mom asks if he knows we’ve talked.

“Yes, I didn’t want to hide that from him when we started seeing each other again.”

“That fucker. He let me stay up all night worried about this. I didn’t sleep a wink.”

“Same,” I laughed.

So by the third hour and third round we're finally talking about what everyone was bracing for.

“I understand I can’t be everything he needs. But I love–I care about him and want to support him as he goes through this.” Fuck my life. I said I loved him in front of his parents. And they definitely noticed because I hung on the word. It had already made it too far out of my mouth when I realized.

Dakota had texted me, asking when I’d be home. Shit. I allotted a normal lunch amount of time for this. 90 minutes plus drive time. We were approaching our fourth hour but I really didn’t want to ruin the vibe and leave.

I had gone into the afternoon fully prepared to dodge any mention of Sarah to the best of my abilities. I had literally nothing nice to say and it felt like bagging on her for hours wouldn’t make me look good. To my surprise Mark and Macy didn’t have a problem airing their own grievances.

Macy wasn’t a fan that Sarah had absolutely never wanted to or put in any effort to be a part of the family. In fact she had refused to participate in family pictures because her dad was dead and they should, “imagine how that makes her feel.”

Oh my god. I’m so tired of hearing about her racist ass piece of shit dead deddy. Fuck him bro. Also, grow up? Lots of people have dead parents. My mom lost her dad younger than Sara did. That was my first experience with death, I was very close to my grandfather. One of my best friends lost his dad a bit younger than she did as well. Macy pointed out she lost her dad at 16 so Sara’s excuses definitely fell on deaf ears. I’m grateful I have not experienced the loss of a parent yet but I know plenty of people that have and it didn’t turn them into raging pieces of shit that cheat and abuse and homewreck and lie and steal and pill pop like the fucking loser she is.

At first I actually felt bad for Ryan, instead of just frustrated at his idiocy. I got the impression she wasn’t a terrible person/partner when they first got together but her dad’s death sent her into a depressive spiral. It just, unfortunately, was after they already were married and had a kid so he was kind of stuck. And honestly? Stuck isn’t the right word. I thought it was admirable he had been so supportive as she went through it. I thought maybe he needed to introduce a little tough love… because by the time he and I had met it had already been five years. At some point you can’t be a sinking ship taking your spouse and child down with you. You gotta get it back together after a little grieving. But still, in this version he was less of an idiot and she was less of a villain. Turns out she had always been a lying, cheating, abusive piece of shit and her dead pappy was just the latest sob story so people would forgive her behavior. I can’t wait for her to burn in hell right next to him.

ANYWAY. I might have gotten a bit off topic but that felt good to get out. The point is Sarah had always been stand off-ish to Ryan’s whole family. I was aware going into this they weren’t huge fans but the more they talked the more confused I was at how he still ended up with her. And apparently they were too.

“You said you weren’t going to have to break up with her. That things were going to have a natural conclusion at graduation.” Mark said, when Ryan asked why no one had more forcefully voiced their opposition to wasting his whole life with her.

Oh man… There was something delicious about the idea that he never wanted to/planned on marrying her and that bringing relief to his family that thought she’d disappear. It felt good for me to not be the only one that loathed this woman. Confirmation she was in fact the problem, not me.

They also talked about how she isolated him over the years. From them, but also from friends. It was sad to hear it coming from them, even though it wasn’t a revelation. I knew Ryan didn’t really have friends. I knew he needed me. But I guess I thought he was just kind of a loner. Hearing other people witness her abuse, causing his years of isolation, made me sad.

Oops. Here is where the post ended, and it’s not quite a wrap up. What I will say is I have met Ryan’s parents, brother, and sister in law multiple times now, and they all have instantly embraced me. Talked about the love and chemistry they see between us. They’ve “never seen him so happy.” And that makes my heart really happy.