BHM

As Black History Month in America comes to a close I am reminded why having a black partner, as a black woman, is so important.

Let me say that Dakota is wonderful, anti-racist, and has never made me feel unsafe. That’s not what this is about.

But being with Dwayne has been eye opening. I’ve had very casual and typically short relationships with black men before, but nothing like this. All of the men I ever considered “real” boyfriends have been white. I’ve just lived in very white places with mostly white options. Being with a black man means he gets it.

He is (embarrassingly) aware of my recent past and my current legal battles. Being able to explain all the racism I’ve faced that white people “can’t see” or chalk up to innocent mistakes and actually feeling heard is so. nice. He sees the malice. My stalker literally tried to be the victim in my family’s history of being lynched. But the white ass courts don’t care. They don’t see how hurtful that is that my ancestors were beaten and killed and she claimed this was a problem for her.

Again, Dakota is awesome! And obviously supports me and thinks this is all bullshit too. But I gave an example that you all can clearly see is fucked up. It’s hard for me to try to write about the smaller stuff in a way that will make sense. Dakota’s not as perceptive to the micro-aggressions, Dwayne has lived them.

Because of that, Dwayne has sworn off dating non-black women. His last girlfriend was… well, I’m not going to get into all that. Let’s just say it’s crazy how “not racist” a lot of white people are until they don’t like you. The same way larger people complain about partners that tell them they’re beautiful… but then the “fat” comments come out as soon as they’re in an argument. Yeah, a lot like that.

Something a lot lighter than the previous topic; I also enjoy someone that shares my taste in music. Sure, he doesn’t know all the classics from my childhood since he’s a little younger and not from the States, but larger, more world renown artists he’s familiar with and since living here has become familiar with artists I like.

I am debating if I want to make content with him. I haven’t actually told him I have an OnlyFans yet… I’m certain he won’t mind but I’m not certain he’ll want to join. And even if he does, the fetishization of black men in porn weirds me out. I don’t know if I want to see those comments.

I like Dwayne a lot. He makes me feel safe in a specific way I haven’t really felt before.