Dear Diary

I know men don’t really share feelings, and definitely don’t talk about relationships or relationship problems. But women usually do. Starting in middle school at sleepovers, extending into our twenties and I presume beyond. Until we die, I’d guess.

One of the hard parts about my relationship with Ryan is that I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. At this point Dakota is not his biggest fan and any discussion is likely to turn into a fight. I stopped talking to my best friend about him months ago because I was embarrassed how off and on we are. I usually talk to my mom about events that are upsetting me but… I’m married. How do I tell her about my not-boyfriend? Sean cares about my feelings and will gladly let me vent about any topic but it’s awkward to complain about the guy I chose over him.

So it’s kind of isolating. I’m used to venting about my feelings and I don’t feel like I have anywhere to vent. Honestly, that was why I started the blog. I needed to let out my anger and frustration and tell the story of how fucking terrible Ryan and Sara are. But when I started it I assumed I’d never see them again and that neither of them would ever read it.

So now, even in my private space I created just to blow off steam I have to watch what I say. It’s also getting to a point where I feel the same way about you (admittedly few) readers as I do my best friend. You don’t actually know me, and yet it’s still getting embarrassing to be hung up on this. I thought I’d have more dating stories, and I can definitely dig into the archives, but I haven’t really been dating much since I’ve been with Ryan. So most of my posts are about him and like my god get over it already!

The sex is really good. Like, really really good. So I guess it makes me stupid. But I’d really like to stop being stupid soon.