Four Hours

Last night I spent over four hours on the phone with Dwayne while Dakota was with Jackie. I’m sure Jackie wouldn’t have minded if I joined them but I was not feeling particularly sexy and wanted to be cuddle in bed relaxed, so I let them have their sexy time elsewhere.

After Dakota came to bed I was very happy. I loved spending that much time talking to Dwayne while simultaneously sending him memes and playing games against him on our phones. Not quite the same as real time together, but still nice. And Dakota got to have a fun time with his girlfriend-esque thing, which makes me happy too. And then I get to cuddle with him in bed. All around a good night.

This is once again a time where I can’t really understand people not enjoying non-monogamy. It can be so harmonious and mutually beneficial.

I like that Dakota has found someone. I wish she could be a bit more available for him, but they’ve been together over two years and I like that it’s stable and calm. I like that she’s nice to me. And that she doesn’t pressure more of a relationship from me than I want. We have something extremely casual, which is what works for me for this situation.

I wish I never wanted to get married though. I really wish I didn’t want kids; my life would be so much better without that desire. I wish that I had heard of the concept of solo poly sooner, and that it was actually what I wanted. Instead I want something in between. I want solo poly with structural monogamy. Is that even possible? I’m sure with someone it is. But not with the people I’m already in love with.

I want ENM to be easy. But I guess marriage isn’t easy, monogamous or not.

On nights like last night I remember why it’s worth it, though.