From 0 to 100

So I went on a date yesterday. I decided pretty much immediately I was not physically attracted to this man but it would be super rude to up and leave before we even shake hands, right? Well, maybe I should have. Hindsight is 20/20.

I park outside his apartment and he comes downstairs. From there we walk a block or so to a brewery and grab a couple beers and chat. For two hours we have mostly decent conversation. Nothing mind-blowingly amazing, but it wasn't boring or terribly awkward so whatever. He pays for the drinks and we start walking again. It's nice weather so I just like being outside, it doesn't even occur to me to ask where we're going right away. I realize we are headed in the direction of his apartment so I figure I should clarify a plan.

"Where are we going?"

"Well, my apartment building is this way. There's a terrace on the top floor where we can sit and look out over the city. We can stop by my apartment and grab drinks."

This answer is good enough for me, although I'm not actually supposed to go to his apartment. All of my dates stay in public settings until Dakota has met the person, for safety reasons. But I figure making a quick mixed drink and then heading upstairs would be fine. Because I'm stupid. And this was a reminder that the rules are there for a reason.

I just have a glass of water because I should be driving home soon but he makes himself a cocktail. As he's making it he puts on a Chappell Roan song because we'd been discussing music and I mentioned I'd been hearing all about her but I didn't know any of her music. He has me cue up my current favorite song (Dirty by Jessie Murphy btw) and after he uses the restroom instead of heading upstairs he just sits on his couch. Now here's where I should've said, "actually, let's go up to the terrace," but I didn't because I'm a pushover. I sit on the couch next to him and continue our conversation.

He asks if he can kiss me. Asking for consent! We love that, everyone take notes. But your note taking stops there because it all goes downhill after this.

I don't really want to kiss him but just saying no feels hella rude. And also dangerous. See, this man is a personal trainer. His job is literally to workout. He easily weighs 2.5x what I do. And this is why Dakota and I have the safety rules!! But I'm just too trusting and thought everything would be fine. I say yes and figure a kiss is harmless enough. Almost immediately he goes from shoving his tongue in my mouth to lifting up my shirt and kissing my breasts.

Okayyy so here's where I gotta put a stop to this. I explain that before we proceed he needs to meet my husband. That I'm not actually even supposed to be in his apartment, I thought we were going upstairs.

He says, "you should get out then." which... idk. It could've been well intentioned but the tone seemed annoyed? A bit angry? He starts walking me to my car and asks, "Do you want to fuck me?"

I'm not entirely sure what to say because honestly, no, I don't. I again explain I can't right now but we can in the future.

"I'm not saying right now. I'm asking do you want to fuck me." He's grabbed my face and is holding it so I have to look in his eyes. I think he thought this was sexy. It was not. And I guess he could pick up that I did not find it sexy because his demeanor changed. "Because if this is going to take like 5 weeks, there's easier people to fuck."

Now, I know there is stigma around sex workers. Not saying there should be but if this man knew I was an OF model I would at least somewhat understand this reaction. But no, people in my personal life don't know about my content. So why this man thought I would be so eager to be "the easiest to fuck" I'm really not sure. Also, is five weeks the break over? Is he willing to put in four weeks worth of work for me? What a weird sentence. Anyway, I awkwardly giggle and continue to give non-answers until we make it back to my car.

He finishes this lovely date by telling me, "I'm gonna go jerk off thinking about those gorgeous tits of yours."

Ok. Like... why tell me that? That's a thought you keep private. And don't get me wrong, I get sooo turned on when someone I'm actually interested in tells me things like that. Like yes babe send me videos while you do it! But unless you're a subscriber that is paying me, or someone I'm actively in a sexual relationship with, don't tell me you're masturbating to me. I really don't care if you do it! People are gonna do what they want so whatever! But that's a private thought about a private time that you don't need to share with me.

So uh... yeah. I haven't reached out to him yet but I'm debating ghosting completely. I'm just so confused how we went from a perfectly good two hours or so to such a terribly awkward and cringe last 20 minutes. And it has not put me in the mood to look forward to the two other dates I have this week (I overbook myself when I'm manic). I'll keep you all posted I suppose, wish me luck!