Fuck the Police

I often ask myself a question and then end up going deep down the rabbit hole on random topics that no one else cares about. And if you don't care about today's topic then fuck you, stop reading. But I always like to share my findings. So today I sought to answer the question: Why do cops cheat on their spouses so much?

This starts anecdotally so bear with me. There's this pretty boy from my high school. Very tall (6' 4" I think?), nice build, and honestly just a really hot face. Like... almost too nice of a face for me to be into. I don't like my men too well manicured. But anyway, I had a crush on him since I was like 16 or something. Now, I’m pretty open about my dating life on my social media. I like to tell my little stories the same way I’m doing here. So he reaches out and says he thinks it’s really cool we’re open and he’d like to have a relationship like ours.

I've heard this a million times. A man in a monogamous relationship tries to talk to me about polyamory, not because he's actually interested in the lifestyle, but because he's gauging whether I'll let him cheat with me. I'll admit I flirted with him a bit. I shouldn't have, but I'd literally had a crush on him for 10+ years and it all seemed innocent enough. But it was clear he wanted to actually meet up. I asked if he had brought up an open relationship to his girlfriend yet. He made excuses, saying he wasn't sure how to even bring it up and he didn't want to upset her. I sympathized and said I understood it would be a difficult conversation. All was well until he suggests meeting up again.

"I really don't give a fuck about sending you pics and stuff, but if you ask me to meet up again I'm telling your girlfriend everything."

He ghosted me for a bit, proposed to her, and then on occasion has popped back into my DMs clearly trying to flirt but I just shut it down. Now, he at least sort of cheated with me, but I didn't fuck him (I guess the title of the post is a bit misleading, my bad). The thing is I'm super not convinced he hasn't fucked anyone else. Last I checked he had over a million followers on TikTok which were all just women thirsting over him. Like I said, he's really hot.

I began thinking about other cops I know. Which is not many. It's like... four total. One has cheated on his wife. Another I have no reason to believe has cheated on anyone but I do know she's a freak. I haven't spoken to her in over a decade but if I texted her today I could fuck her by tomorrow. So... I wouldn't put it past her is what I'll say. But, like I said, my sample size is small. I don't generally find myself desiring the company of law enforcement officers because quite frankly I like to break laws.

So I do a Google search. So many links asking why cops cheat so much. And there are some interesting theories:

• The people that choose the profession are adrenaline junkies/think they're invincible/are just generally assholes

• "Badge Bunnies" throw themselves at them, so just more opportunity

• The odd schedules leave them a lot more free time while their partners work compared to both having 9-5s

• High stress situations bond them more strongly with their coworkers (intradepartmental affairs)

But you know what's fascinating? There's all of these sites and forums speaking on this topic as if it's just a known fact... Yet I can't find a single statistic. I couldn't find one number that proves cops cheat more. Everyone just thinks they do, apparently. So I decide I must be searching the wrong things. Let's find out which professions do cheat more. And guess what?

Cops aren't on any of the lists.

So this is probably the one time in my life I'll say this not sarcastically; Sorry, officer. My accusations were misplaced.

If you're curious which professions do cheat the most - the top 2 professions for men are tradesmen and IT. For women it is medical professionals and teachers.

Side note: if you yourself are a "badge bunny" (I don't know why that term is so funny to me) I have found that "Are you going to cuff me 👀" has a 100% success rate on dating apps.