HE LOVES ME

Well, the picture gives away how the night ended. But let me tell you how it began.

Sean picked me up and we went out for his birthday. I had been trying to spend a little more time with Sean lately because I basically ghosted while dealing with my miscarriage. And especially since he was our free babysitter while I dealt with all the fertility appointments, I didn’t want him to feel used.

I had pretty specifically been trying to move away from a boyfriend/girlfriend vibe and more towards just friends. I simply didn’t click with him sexually and that is a necessary component for someone I’m dating.

All of this is to say my relationship with Sean had been… delicate… for a while. Honestly, if he just ghosted me, I wouldn’t really care. I have enough to deal with and not having to protect his feelings in the process would be an improvement for me. But I don’t mind having him around and him being part of the friend group.

I get in his car and he looks at me. “I did something…”

“Oh God. With you that could mean anything from you watched a new movie to you befriended some mafia members. I need more than that.”

“I rented a hotel room,” he said with a nervous laugh.

“OH. Alright, I can work with that.”

“I shouldn’t have done that…”

“I mean it’s a little presumptuous but it’s fine,” I laughed. I would’ve maybe planned my day a little differently, considering I’d just ridden Dakota like a rodeo bull an hour and a half ago… but whatever. We can make it work. It was his birthday and we hadn’t fucked in a while anyway.

We go out and have some drinks, play some games, and before we walk across the street to the hotel right next to the venue I turn off the location sharing on my phone. I’m confident my ex still watches my location and he didn’t need to know I was in a hotel 20 minutes from my house… There’s only one thing I could be doing there.

The entire time we were at dinner he was staring at me with that gaze. That “I can’t believe you’re here with me” gaze. So I should’ve known what was coming. But after some fucking, as we’re still rubbing on each other and kissing, he says it.

“You asked me about my feelings… and I think I do.”

“You think… you love me?” I wanted him to say it.

He nodded. Huh, well that’s… something.

After we talked a bit more about feelings he actually said the words “I love you.”

I went to the restroom and texted Dakota: HE LOVES ME

He seemed less phased by this info than I was. But this was a big deal. I had suspected it a bit, but Sean hadn’t admitted it yet. Now it was out there. And I had to deal with it.

I don’t have a conclusion for this story because I’m not exactly sure how to handle it. I care about Sean but more as a friend than a partner. He should find a wife, I’m already someone’s wife.