Hoes Be Real Life Losers

As you may have noticed I have been posting lyrics from Cardi B’s new album as captions lately. I love several songs on the album. My friend (who wants to fuck me so badly) gave me a pretty pointed look after I sang along that my ass makes a great pillow and my pussy can drown a man. Okay… maybe a little more than a friend. I mean I would consider him only a friend but it’s normal for me to send nudes to friends. And maybe a video or two of what Dakota has described as “a faucet.”

I find some of Cardi’s lyrics incredibly relatable (and some very much not). And “hoes be real-life losers” has stood out to me pretty hard. Sure, it’s not a particularly eloquent or witty line, but I really like calling people what they are: losers.

I think it’s an underutilized word. I think it is not praised highly enough for how strong of an insult it is. You can be ugly or dumb or poor or lots of things and not be a loser. You can be rich and successful and a generational, ethereal beauty and still be a fucking loser (see Nicki Minaj and her latest Cardi-based crashout). Loserdom is in your soul. You can’t out earn it. You can’t workout til it’s gone. No amount of make up or filters or plastic surgery will hide it. A loser is a loser.

Being hot on the internet really shows you how many losers there are. Incels love to bash hot women. Other women feel the need to throw shade. And if you’re hot enough, you’ll gain a stalker or two. Or if you’re me, three.

A man I sent nudes to once or twice, who had only met me once in person with Dakota became way too into me too quickly. I unadded him on snap after he posted an incel-y meme. I was not anywhere close to being into him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. I said ew and called it quits.

He did not like this. He tried to add me back on snap but I ignored it. He, apparently, messaged me on Facebook saying some very nasty things. I didn’t even notice for months, I barely use Facebook, but eventually saw the message request. I viewed and screenshotted it without accepting the request. I ignored it. A couple weeks later I noticed he had deleted his original message and asked for forgiveness, telling me he missed me. Again, ew. I blocked him. I was worried he’d find another way to message me but luckily he hasn’t succeeded if he’s still out there trying.

Posting incel memes and then begging for another chance with a woman you’ve met once and never even kissed… loser.

I’ve also had a man on OnlyFans try to figure out where I live and work, which is incredibly creepy, and I told him as such. He told me he recognized me from work and I said oh, well I quit last week… so I guess I know where you work but you don’t know where I do. He stopped harassing me at that point but wow, also major loser behavior.

But like Cardi, the biggest loser in my life is a middle aged woman with a personality disorder and history of drug abuse that can’t stop watching me while I’m just trying to mind my business. Which is what I’ve been trying to do for two years. But to quote Cardi once again, “my coochie and my business, these bitches love putting they nose in it.”

Being a sex worker is a cheat code to get people to expedite showing you their loserdom. People hate you when they want to fuck you but you don’t want to fuck them. They hate you when people want to fuck you instead of them. People cannot stand when a sex worker isn’t a loser but they are. Being worse than someone so “low class” is unbearable to them.

Your obsessiveness with my porn keeps my ass all over your screen. Go ahead and kiss it since it’s right there for you.