I Don’t Date Swifties

There’s a standard set of red flags I look out for when dating straight white men (which are, unfortunately, my favorite). When I date queer women of color, those particular red flags are presumed to not be a problem. There’s a different set of red flags to check, like how carefully curated is her instagram? Has she ever actually been with other women before? And one of the biggest ones… is she a Swiftie?

Swifties are never good people. Ever. There’s a spectrum, she might be one of the biggest cunts you’ve ever met or she might be mostly fine but often inconsiderate towards you and your feelings. Either way, not a good partner. They tend to always be the victim and never take accountability for their actions.

Swifties are mediocre white women that have never faced a real problem in their lives. Or at least they should be. Like I said, I prefer women of color. Being a non-white Swiftie is an even bigger red flag. The honor is reserved for 30yo, overly tanned, bottle blonde, white women that peaked as underclassmen in college while acquiring their nursing degree that they just barely graduated with. I’ve never even met a Latina Swiftie and every black Swiftie I’ve met is what we call an Uncle Tom. Or… an Aunt Tomi? Whatever.

Most Swifties are either sexually repressed prudes with weird hang ups or, even worse, lying, cheating whores. Whatever completely average sex you can get from them is not worth the problems they bring. If you’re going to stick your dick in crazy bitch at least make sure the pussy is worth it.

I want to be clear, I don’t dislike Taylor Swift. She’s a mediocre vocalist that is only as successful as she is due to her privilege, not her talent. But she’s fine. I like a few of her songs, I play them from time to time. I really couldn’t care less about Taylor but her fans are insufferable. Like Nicki Minaj fans. Which is unfortunate because I really like(d) Nicki Minaj but the idea of being lumped in with those loons is nauseating.

A person’s music taste is a lot more revealing than you might think. I’m also hesitant to date women that like Drake too much. There’s something sinister about them. But for most cases with these “small” red flags I’ll still give the woman a chance. At least one date. With Swifties in the past I’ve needed them to change my mind from my first impression within about a dozen messages or there wouldn’t even be a first date. Not so sure I’ll even bother with that strategy going forward, they’re all so terrible. The only one I’ve actually dated literally stole from me. That’s my fault though, I knew she was trouble when she walked in.