I Love You & I Like You

“Have any of you watched Parks & Rec?”

Only a couple people raise their hands.

“It’s a great show, you should watch it. But anyway, the main character and her husband tell each other ‘I love you and I like you.’ I think a lot of married couples love each other. Love meaning sacrifice, compromise, duty to each other… I think a lot fewer couples actually like each other. And that’s something I’ve always admired about you all, you seem to actually like each other. And that makes me happy for you.”

I winged that speech, cross faded at my friends’ wedding this weekend. And although I came up with it about 2 minutes before I took the mic, I’ve been thinking about it for much longer since then.

Because “I love you and I like you” is actually such a good saying. I’ve been struggling to articulate why. “I love you” is a given. “I like you” is an insult when it comes to long term relationships, you should love me! But “I love you and I like you” is putting an emphasis on the fact that despite the struggles and compromises and everything else that is inevitable with relationships, I still enjoy you. It’s not complacency or obligation. We’re not just spouses, we’re friends.

This feels like it should be a given, but I’ve seen so many married couples that just seem to still be married simply because it would take effort to get divorced. How do I properly articulate the idea of loving someone without liking them? Well, instead of thinking of a partner, think of your family.

There’s got to be someone. Maybe it’s your nagging mom, your annoying brother, your weirdo uncle… There is someone that you would say you “love” but you don’t particularly enjoy spending time with them and never go out of your way to do so. When it happens it’s fine. But if your mom or brother needed a kidney you’d be on the operating table immediately. Love is weird, isn’t it?

Admittedly, I have not always liked Dakota. As I’ve said before, fertility treatments put a huge strain on our relationship. I don’t exactly know how it’s possible to hate someone and love them at the same time, but that’s how I felt. But I’m happy to know that no matter what happens I always end up liking him again. He’s my best friend.