I'm too old to fuck you like that.

I’m rapidly approaching thirty. Maybe I should lie about that online, since a lot of you weirdos like the freshly legal girls (heads up, a lot of them are lying too), but I prefer honesty. Anyway, it’s been over a decade since I was a very limber teenager on the dance team. Over a decade since I met Dakota and he without hesitation had my ankles on my shoulders. Now I don’t know what kind of girls he was fucking before me where he just assumed I could do that but either way I was very tiny and very flexible, things I understand men tend to really enjoy.

Now, as you know from From the Beginning, we broke up for a bit. So skip ahead from freshman year to senior year, he comes back into my life and decides he’s gonna fuck me like that again. Oh, honey. No. I’d been in various sports since age 3 and then all of a sudden I go off to college and do nothing. I was so much less strong and less limber. I literally laughed in his face as I pushed him away, “I don’t bend like that anymore.”

A few years later we both started working out because the sex was bad. We both desperately needed to get our cardio sorted out. Looking back, this was almost certainly a lingering effect of a covid infection we didn’t even realize we had, considering neither of us really worked out for years before that and haven’t worked out for years since, but never had this issue other than this one small period of time. But at the time I was just like man we can’t even fuck without being exhausted, this is the best motivation either of us are going to have.

I’ve recently been trying to get myself back into a cardio routine for Sean. He is very fit and I need to work on my stamina. The problem is when I started running my knees hurt so bad. When I looked it up it’s most likely that I don’t have enough muscle stabilizing my knees. Apparently, being on and off bed rest for years during fertility treatments, and then being pregnant, and then having lasting fatigue from postpartum, and now being lighter (weaker) than ever means I need to slowly build my muscle back up. This is new to me. I’ve always been able to hop right back in after a year or two off and go hard. Like, each time I get back into weightlifting I can get my squat back to 180lbs (which is twice my weight) within a week. I hadn’t run distance in 8ish years and I started doing a mile everyday, getting back down to a 7:40 mile by day 4. I can just do that. Except holy fuck my knees hurt. So yeah, should probably start slower.

My New Year's Resolution was to stretch everyday. I want to get my splits back. I want to be bendable for my men. I want to not age like a gallon of milk left out in the sun. But apparently I have not made as much progress as I’d like. The inspiration for this post was waking up this morning with my hip in a bit of pain. My only guess is I fucked Sean last night in his tiny ass Mazda. I am too old to be fucking in cars.

I am too old to be fucking in showers. Too old to be fucking on floors. Please, give me a bed. And be careful how you try to bend me.