When Baby Making Isn’t Fun

Our fertility issues took a toll on me physically but even more so mentally. I could ramble about that endlessly but I’m going to focus on the issues it causes in our dating/sex lives.

One of the main concerns with sleeping with other people is that neither of us want to (be) impregnate(ed by) someone else. You might think, “well great! You don’t have to worry then!” But no. I can get pregnant, it’s just less likely than the average woman. And Dakota can get someone pregnant, it’s just less likely than the average man. So together we were really fighting the odds. But either of us sleeping with someone more fertile could easily result in an unwanted pregnancy.

This idea is very… anxiety inducing? Not only would there be the issues that would come with this regularly, but I think we both have some insecurity around baby making. If he managed to inadvertently get someone pregnant after the multiple years and tens of thousands of dollars we had to spend for it to happen to me, I’d honestly probably put a shotgun in my mouth. If I got pregnant by someone else, I have to assume he would not want me to keep the pregnancy, and I feel like I’d have to oblige… but the mental toll of getting rid of a baby when I’d fought so hard for a baby is also a lot to come to terms with.

This is something that I over analyze from time to time - I’m an anxious person - but generally doesn’t have that big of an effect on us. No reason to worry about a thousand what ifs when life has shown us planning is pointless anyway.

An unexpected and bigger issue I’m having is with content creation. Specifically, the comments people leave on Reddit. Due to being in the cuck & chastity spaces, we’re just going to run into comments like this:

Now, I am not implying that this comment was meant maliciously. It’s just part of the kink for some. But not for me. I don’t want to wake up to comments like this on my posts.

I don’t see a way to prevent this though. It’s just part of the job I guess. I haven’t been feeling particularly sexy lately and waking up to a few comments around baby making this morning really didn’t help. My experience is something I’m definitely still healing from, and quite frankly I don’t think I can be fully healed until we’re completely done having kids… so it’ll be years.

I don’t really know how to end this post. Just needed to vent I suppose.