Whiskey Dick

In an attempt to find a replacement bull I went on a date last night. It was fine… until the end. This is a man I first matched with and met one of the dozen times my ex and I broke up. I have accidentally fucked over several men by telling myself, “fuck this guy and his lunatic wife, let me find someone normal!” Only to return to him after a few weeks. I think the longest we’ve made it is two months, until this time. It’s been over three months. Maybe it’s real this time. I really hope not if last night is any indication of what I can expect out in the dating world.

This was perhaps the fourth or fifth time I’d met up with this guy. Enough that I was prepared to actually be physical this time. I asked Dakota if it was alright and he said it was fine so I figured I’d let him touch my boobs and depending on how the night went maybe he’d get head.

The night went well, we had some drinks. He apparently had quite a bit more than me without my knowledge. He lives downtown so we pregamed at his place and walked to a nearby bar. Had a drink and some food and hung out for a bit. I think he was prepared to spend much more time out but when I asked if he wanted to head back there was no hesitation. Duh. Look at me.

We get to his room and make out a bit. I tell him I’m not ready to fuck but we can stick to oral. I feel like that’s fair enough, right? Still a win for him?

Well we’re in his bed, he’s “fingering” me (I’ll explain why that’s in quotations shortly), and I’m using my hand on his completely flaccid penis. I know this happens sometimes, especially after some drinks, so I try not to make it awkward. I’m thinking if I don’t put him on the spot, which definitely makes it worse, he’ll get there. Except he doesn’t. After several minutes go by I playfully ask, “too much to drink?”

“Ugh. Yeah. Whiskey dick.”

Now, this isn’t the end of the world. I’ve had guys get stage fright before or have various substances cause performance issues. If I like the guy it’s honestly not a big deal. But… you have to do a good job with the rest of what you’re working with. And he did not.

I hope he was shit faced. I didn’t think he was that drunk but it’s the only explanation for a 31 year old to not know how to finger a woman at all. Like… He just left his fingers inside me. No movement. The only experience I’ve had with a man similar to that is when Dakota literally fell asleep during foreplay (and then for some reason was upset I said we should just go to bed and fuck the next day?? lol). He didn’t even try to give me oral. That would’ve helped as well.

Instead he decided to get up and grab a condom. It was dark but as soon as I realized what he was doing I asked, “uhhh… what are you doing?” I was trying to gently let him know we weren’t fucking, as I said earlier.

I don’t remember his reply but he finished opening the condom and a sense of dread came over me. I tried to keep him from wasting a condom. Now I felt pressured to fuck him since it was open. Lucky me he was too soft to get it on.

He was embarrassed as he worked on it, and I don’t remember the exact wording, but he said something that implied women usually thought he was plenty big. Cringe. I know he was feeling insecure about me not seeing it in all its glory but don’t tell me how other women think you’re big… especially while you’re actively struggling to put a condom on a limp dick.

As politely as I can I steer him away from sex and we end up watching some tv and cuddling while I finish sobering up to leave. As soon as I get to my car I send Dakota a voice note telling him how terribly it went. He’s happy to fuck me when I get home to make up for it.

That’s the beauty of being married, I’m always going to cum after a date. Just… Not always because of my date. I haven’t decided if I’ll give the guy another chance but if I do he better finger me until the entire bed is soaked. If he can’t accomplish that then I’m out.