Who tf are you?

I’m sure some women can relate; going out to a bar, getting shit-faced, waking up next to a man they don’t know… Some women, but not me. I’ve never had a one night stand. I’ve slept with a few women on a first date, although I usually refrain from that as well, but I’ve never had a full on one night stand with a woman and definitely not with a man. I make men earn it.

And yet I’ve still woken up next to someone and asked myself who the fuck is in my bed? I’m curious if anyone else has this problem. I guess I’m very much a creature of habit.

I dated a guy in college and a month or so after we broke up I started sleeping with Dakota again. One morning I woke up and my blood ran cold. There was a man in my bed facing away from me. That was not my ex’s back. Who the hell was in my bed? My mind was racing, the adrenaline had me wide awake but my brain was still booting up. Had I gone out last night? Did I get black out and bring a random guy back to my apartment? I felt shame at the idea… but the more I thought the more I was sure I never went out. If I did I must have gotten pretty shit faced before ever even leaving my place.

I slowly raised myself up so I could look over his shoulders and see the man’s face.

Lmao?? It was Dakota. Finally my memories from last night came back. I’d invited him over and we’d had a good time. I was just so used to waking up to someone else over the last six months that my tired brain couldn’t make sense of who I was looking at.

Now, considering I’ve woken up to Dakota most mornings for nearly a decade, you can imagine I’m quite used to seeing his back now. So while he was on a business trip this week I was a little surprised to wake up to Ryan’s back. I remember being excited, thinking oh yeah! He’s here, yay! Not quite the same feeling as with Dakota all those years ago. Well… not yet.

I rolled over I cuddled him (as big spoon, I love being big spoon) and fell back asleep. A couple hours later he woke up to get ready for work while I stayed in bed. After he was dressed he opened the bedroom door to come give me a kiss goodbye, and the sound of the door was just enough to wake me.

My eyes heavy, I see a figure that’s clearly not Dakota approaching me. For a split second I thought I was about to die. I jump and he apologizes profusely. I laugh, he didn’t do anything wrong, but my goodness that was terrifying.

This has happened to me with him before. Am I just bound to be scared shitless from time to time or will my brain eventually recognize him while half asleep the same way it recognizes Dakota? I don’t know. Please tell me I’m not the only one to have this happen though.