Whore in Theory, Lover Girl in Practice

I have sex with people that aren’t my husband. I’ve had twelve(?) threesomes. I send nudes to random men from tinder after only chatting for a day or so. I think it’s safe to say I’m far from a prude. Because of this I’ve called myself a whore many times. I don’t mind, I like sex and I’m not afraid to say it. However, I’ve learned claiming this terminology makes people think I just want to be used like a sex toy, but I don’t.

That’s not true. I love that. But I love it from people I love, not randos from the internet.

The reason we stopped having threesomes is because those girls just wanted to try something. It was a one off. And I hated it. I wanted to build connections with them. So we started dating separately so I could pursue an actual girlfriend, which unfortunately hasn’t happened yet.

A month ago I broke up with my boyfriend so I’ve started swiping on men on dating apps in addition to women. When they hear I’m in an open marriage they immediately treat me like I’m a sex object and not a person. They assume I’ll just meet up with them to fuck without knowing anything about them. I explain I have to still like them first and for many of them that’s simply too much effort. Yikes. I’m not asking to be swept off my feet with romance or anything but at least be enjoyable to talk to. I literally want a friend with benefits but everyone seems to forget the keyword there: FRIEND!!

If one more person asks me if my baby is my husband’s I’m going to scream. One, why the fuck does it matter to you? Two, why the fuck wouldn’t it be my husband’s? You think I’m out here letting random men knock me up? Are you insane? As I’m saying all of this please understand I encourage everyone to do what they please with their bodies (safely) but I don’t like the insinuations that I’ll sleep with anyone that asks, that I can’t still be a traditionally loving wife and mother while being poly, etc.

So what am I if I’m not a prude and not a whore? I’d have no problem rotating through four sexual partners; a couple men and a couple women. It wouldn’t make me feel gross, if I actually enjoyed the company of all of them. But I’ve never had a one night stand. I guess what I’m saying is the number is not the issue but the emotional attachment is.

As I’ve been going on dates with men I (usually) enjoy myself for the time being, but by the time I get home I just sigh, knowing I’m not going to be deeply in love with these men like I was (am) with my ex. And I just can’t bring myself to give up the kitty for less than that now. Hopefully I find my next love soon, I’m having a hard time keeping Dakota locked up.