Asian Ashley

As I’ve mentioned a few times, I’m into Asian women. Which means I’ve slept with a few Asian women. Let me tell you about one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on.

I was sitting at my desk, taking a short break from work and scrolling on my phone. I was swiping through tinder and saw a profile I almost swiped left on. It was a hot Asian woman but the pics gave off catfish vibes. They seemed old and low quality, there weren’t very many, and I don’t think there was a bio. If there was, it was very short and generic. I took a chance because there’s not a lot of Asian women where I live. At best it was real and she just had shitty pictures, at worst it was a bot that I’d unmatch. Who cares?

We matched and she immediately sent a message. Okay, another red flag. Generally hot women don’t message first and certainly not immediately after matching. I don’t remember the exact conversation but within three messages she asked me to come over and have a drink… Yikes. Perhaps “at worst” was actually someone drugging me and I wake up in a bathtub of ice without my kidneys. I’d like to add she wanted me to come over asap at like 3pm on a Tuesday.

“Actually I was planning on going to the pool after work. Do you want to come? We can have some drinks there?”

“That sounds great! Can you pick me up? I don’t have a car.” Red flag number 3. No offense to anyone without a car but where I live is very car dependent so being an adult not able to drive yourself places is strange to say the least. But for some reason I was on the fuck it train that day and so I agreed.

After work I drove to the address and parked across the street. No way I was going to park in the driveway and let people surround me.

“I’m here!”

“The door’s unlocked, come inside! I’m getting ready!”

Hahahaha if I’m not going to park in the driveway I’m certainly not going to walk in the house. Who knows who’s waiting for me inside. I’m keeping my kidneys!!!

“I’d prefer to wait outside, no rush though!”

After a few minutes a woman came out, alone, and I decided it was safe enough to pull into the driveway next to her. As I got close I noticed this woman was 20-25 years old than her 29 year old profile stated.

Oh. Okay. Felt rude to just leave and honestly…I still would have fucked… so whatever, guess I’m hanging out with a milf today.

Instead of getting in the passenger's seat she came around to the driver’s side. I rolled down the window.

“Thank you for being here for Ashley, she really needs this right now.”

Bruh. What the fuck? I smile and nod and as the conversation continues I figure out this is the girl’s mom, which is why she looks exactly like the pics but older. I also find out Ashley just got dumped that day by her long term boyfriend (who is the provider, she doesn’t have a job. Not a stay at home mom. Not even a stay at home wife. She’s a stay at home girlfriend? lmao) and her mom warns me about her drinking. I wish I had taken this warning more seriously. I understood it to mean that Ashley was like I was in my younger years, sometimes getting a little too wild. No, apparently she’s a raging alcoholic. But don’t worry. We’ll get to that shortly.

Context clues suggest her mom doesn’t know we met on tinder but instead thinks we’ve been friends for.. Idk, some amount of time. Not one hour. Eventually Ashley comes out of the house and her mom leaves. We hit up the liquor store before heading to the pool. We get a handle of Malibu (a great summer drink) and she purchases a flask sized bottle of some type of spirit.

The pool was about 15 minutes away from the liquor store and she finished off the flask before we got there. Ohhhhkayyy well I guess we’re starting strong, huh? We mix malibu in our drinks and she pretty quickly starts lamenting about her ex. Dakota shows up not too long after we arrive but by then she’s shitfaced. She keeps trying to call some dude that she presumably hooks up with? I was a bit confused because she’d been in a relationship for 7(?) years but ya know, maybe they were on and off a lot and this was her go to guy. A little weird and rude to do on a date but whatever.

It gets to the point where I’m uncomfortable having her near the pool. She’s so drunk I think she’s likely to fall in and drown and quite frankly I can't save her, she’s in decent shape but she’s a foot taller than me so obviously outweighs me by a decent margin. Dakota helps me get her to my car and I take her to my place because I’m genuinely a little afraid to leave her alone in her house. I tell Dakota to pick up some takeout on the way home so we can sober her up when we get there.

I hid the Malibu under the passenger’s seat so she couldn’t drink anymore but she managed to find it on the drive and take multiple big pulls. She’s trying to call someone else now as I drive. Yikes, this lady is like if a red flag shit out a bunch of smaller red flags. As soon as she gets to our house she passes out on our kitchen floor. Awesome. There was no passcode on her phone, lucky me, so I was able to go through her recent calls. I texted the most recent person she called, it was a female name so I assumed this was a safe friend to text. Shortly after I get a call and explain the situation.

As we wait for the friend to arrive she comes to and needs to use the restroom. She crawls to the bathroom, refusing help, but when she tries to stand to get to the toilet she stumbles and pulls our shower curtain down.She was wearing a romper which means she has to get basically naked to pee. Gotta pull your shirt all the way down when they’re attached to your pants. I assume it’s mostly men that stumble their way into this blog, do you guys know what rompers are?

Anyway, the friend arrives as Dakota and I are trying to get her redressed and I tell Dakota to hide. This is not a good look for her to be half naked and piss drunk with him around. The friend is older than I expected, middle aged while Ashley is 29. Not exactly sure what their relationship is but this is apparently not the first time Ashley has done something like this. She asked if she’d had anything besides alcohol.

“I don’t know, I didn’t see her take anything else. I didn’t give her anything else.”

The friend scoops her up into her car and leaves to take her home. What’s crazy is this isn’t the end of the story though.

The next day she texts me and apologizes for her behavior. I say it’s fine despite the fact it’s definitely not but I assume she’s embarrassed enough that I don’t need to add to it. She asks if I can come over after work, she doesn’t want to be alone.

I have a bit of a savior complex, it’s maybe my worst trait, and I feel bad for her. She did just get out of a long term relationship, I wouldn’t want to be alone either. I’ve gotten too drunk before, I would love if people could just ignore those moments. So ya know what? Fine. Sure. I’ll come over after work.

I get there and her room smells like vomit because she’s been drinking again. She’s out of whatever was in the house. She begs me to go get some more but I refuse. We go back and forth for a bit and I’m getting irritated that she clearly didn’t actually want to hangout, she just wanted booze.

“I thought you wanted company, I’m not here to give you alcohol.”

“Please. I can have sex with you?” she bargains.

I laugh an annoyed laugh. I’m insulted. “You think I need you to have sex with me? Someone that whores out their body for booze? I can have sex with plenty of pretty women. You wouldn’t even be the Asian Ashley I’ve fucked.”

This comment clearly catches her by surprise. I assume she normally uses these tactics on men, perhaps it works better, but I was not interested in sleeping with a drunk, jobless, carless loser.

I’ve seen her on tinder several times since everything went down and I’m always tempted to swipe and see if we match. She was so drunk I’m not sure she’d even remember me. But I resist the urge. I can’t imagine how she’d come across this blog but I’d love if she did and was reminded how embarrassing she is. Maybe she’s gotten the help she needs by now though. I really hope so.